Unfair Rules and Unequal Treatment: Dealing with Double Standards in Relationships

Double Standards in Relationships: How to Recognize and Deal with Them

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where your partner expects something of you that they wouldn’t do themselves? Or have you noticed that your partner is allowed to do certain things that you’re not?

Welcome to the world of double standards in relationships. Before we delve into the signs and solutions of double standards in relationships, let’s first understand what they really are.

Double Standards in Relationships: What Are They?

In simple terms, double standards are moral or ethical expectations that are applied differently to one person or group of people than to another.

In relationships, double standards can manifest in a variety of ways, such as:

Sex: One partner may expect the other to be sexually active or abstinent while they themselves engage in activities that they don’t want the other partner to do.
Appearance: One partner may be expected to look a certain way while the other is not held to the same standard.
Friends: One partner may not be allowed to hang out with certain people while the other can.
Vulnerability: One partner may be expected to be open and vulnerable while the other remains closed off.
Neediness: One partner may be criticized for being “needy” while the other is allowed to demand attention.

These are just a few examples of the many ways double standards can play out in relationships.

However, what’s important to note is that double standards are not always intentional or malicious. Sometimes, we apply different standards unconsciously or based on societal norms.

However, that doesn’t mean they’re any less damaging to the relationship.

Double Standards for Men and Women in Relationships

It’s also worth noting that gender plays a big role in the double standards that are applied in relationships. Sexism can lead one partner to expect certain behaviors from the other based on gender.

Here are a few examples of double standards that are based on gender:

Control: Men might be expected to have control over their partner while women are not.
Exclusivity: Men may be allowed to have multiple partners while women are expected to be monogamous.
Sexual Conduct: Men are often praised for being sexually active while women are shamed for the same.

These types of double standards based on gender can lead to feelings of inequality, frustration, and resentment between partners.

Communication in Double Standard Relationships

Now that we’ve defined what double standards are, let’s jump into communication and its importance in a relationship. Communication plays a crucial role in any relationship, but it becomes even more important in cases where double standards are present.

Why? Because it is only through clear and open communication that these issues can be addressed and resolved.

Signs of Double Standards in Relationships

So, how can you tell if there are double standards in your relationship? Here are a few signs to look out for:

Justification: One partner constantly justifies their behavior while criticizing the other for the same thing.
One-sided: One partner makes all the decisions and the other is expected to follow them without question.
Bad Days: One partner is allowed to have a bad day but the other is not.
Whereabouts: One partner is expected to report their whereabouts while the other is allowed to come and go as they please.
Fault: One partner always takes the blame for everything, while the other is never held accountable.
Forced Conversations: One partner is expected to engage in conversations they don’t want to, while the other is not expected to do the same.
Honesty: One partner is expected to be honest while the other can lie.
Flirting: One partner is not allowed to flirt while the other can flirt with whomever they please.
Jealousy: One partner is expected to control their jealousy while the other is allowed to be jealous.
Jokes: One partner is allowed to make jokes at the expense of the other while the other is not.
Friendship: One partner is not allowed to have friends of the opposite gender while the other is allowed to have as many as they please.
Expenses: One partner is expected to pay for everything while the other doesn’t have to contribute.
Decisions: One partner is expected to make all the decisions while the other has no say.
Criticism: One partner is constantly criticized while the other is not held to the same standard.

Dealing with Double Standards in a Relationship

If you’ve identified that there are double standards in your relationship, it’s important to address them to prevent them from becoming an unhealthy pattern. Here are some ways to deal with double standards in a relationship:

Communication: As mentioned before, communication is key. Talk to your partner and share with them how you feel about the double standards that you’re experiencing.
Identify the root cause: Try to understand why you or your partner are holding different standards for each other. Is it a result of societal norms, insecurity, or something else?
Consider counseling: In some cases, seeking the help of a professional can help address and resolve these issues.
Get a third-party perspective: Talk to your friends or family members that you trust. Sometimes, an outside perspective can help you better understand the situation.

In Conclusion,

Double standards in relationships are a common occurrence that can cause damage if left unaddressed. It’s crucial to identify and deal with them to ensure a healthy and happy relationship.

Remember, communication is key – talk to your partner and work towards solutions together.

Causes and Effects of Double Standards in Relationships

Double standards in relationships can arise due to several reasons. Some of the most common reasons include insecurity, lack of confidence, superiority, restriction, and sexism.

These causes are often intertwined and can stem from personal experiences, cultural beliefs, and societal pressures.

Causes of Double Standard Relationships

Insecurity: Insecurities can make someone feel inadequate or inferior, which may lead them to try to control their partner’s behavior. They may establish certain expectations for their partner to follow while they themselves don’t adhere to them, leading to double standards.
Lack of confidence: Similar to insecurity, a lack of confidence in oneself can lead someone to establish double standards in relationships. For example, they may criticize their partner for certain behaviors that make them feel threatened or insecure.
Superiority: Some individuals may believe that they are better than their partner, which can lead them to establish double standards. These individuals may hold expectations for their partner that they don’t themselves meet, due to the belief that their partner is not capable or deserving of the same privileges or freedoms.
Restriction: Some people establish double standards as a way to control their partner and restrict their behavior. By limiting their partner’s actions, they feel a sense of control in the relationship and may also feel threatened or insecure if their partner is allowed to do certain things without consequences.
Sexism: Finally, many double standards are based on gender and may occur due to sexist beliefs. For example, some individuals may believe that men should have more sexual freedom than women or that women should be more submissive than men, leading to double standards.

Effects of Double Standard Relationships

Power Struggle: Establishing double standards can cause a power struggle in a relationship, where one partner feels they have more control or authority than the other.
Toxicity: Double standards can create a toxic environment where one partner feels they are being treated unfairly or unjustly. This can lead to feelings of resentment, hurt, and even anger, which can negatively affect the relationship.
Hurt: In a relationship with double standards, one partner may feel hurt and devalued, while the other partner feels justified in their behavior. This can lead to a breakdown in trust and communication between partners, as the hurt partner may not feel comfortable opening up and sharing their feelings.
Escalation: Another effect of double standards is the potential for the situation to escalate. If one partner feels restricted or constrained by the double standards, they may begin to push back, leading to arguments and fights.
Unhealthy pattern: Finally, establishing double standards in a relationship can create an unhealthy pattern that can be difficult to break. If one partner is constantly expected to meet certain standards that are not applied to the other partner, it can lead to a long-term power imbalance that can be hard to overcome.

Moving Forward in Relationships

Identifying and Addressing Double Standards

Identifying and addressing double standards in relationships is crucial in moving forward. Here are some tips on how to address double standards in a productive way:

Self-awareness: The first step is to become self-aware of any double standards that you may be imposing on your partner. This requires taking an honest look at your own behavior and expectations and recognizing where they may be unfair.
Partnership: It’s important to remember that relationships are partnerships, and both partners should feel comfortable and valued. Communicate with your partner your observations, thoughts, and feelings about any double standards and work with them to find solutions that work for both.
Improvement: Focus on personal improvement, being more self-aware, and consider seeking outside assistance from professionals to improve your understanding and skills.
Conversation: Talk with an open mind and heart to your partner about why they may feel the need to establish certain double standards. By having open and honest conversations, you can begin to understand each other’s perspectives and work towards a better understanding of expectations.

Establishing Healthy Relationship Standards

In order to establish healthy relationship standards, it’s important to prioritize trust, respect, equality, communication, and compromise. Here are some ways to do this:

Trust: Trust is crucial in any successful relationship. Establish trust by being honest, open, and consistent in your behavior.
Respect: Always show respect towards your partner in order to establish an environment that is free from double standards. Respect their opinions, feelings, and needs.
Equality: Establish equality by treating your partner as an equal, with mutual expectations and boundaries that apply to all parties.
Communication: Open communication is key to addressing and resolving any double standards that may arise. By fostering open communication, you establish a safe space for both partners to share their thoughts and feelings.
Compromise: Finally, compromise is crucial in establishing a healthy relationship. Finding a middle-ground where both parties feel comfortable is important in the creation of a healthy and successful partnership.

Double standards can be damaging in relationships. However, with self-awareness, communication, and compromise, it is possible to create an environment that is healthy, successful, and long-lasting. Remember, a successful relationship is one built on mutual understanding and respect, where both partners feel valued and heard.

In conclusion, double standards in relationships can cause a power struggle, toxicity, hurt, escalation, and establish an unhealthy pattern. These double standards can be caused by insecurity, a lack of confidence, superiority, restriction, and sexism.

However, by improving communication with the partner, identifying these double standards, and having an open conversation to establish mutual understanding and respect, it’s possible to create a healthy relationship. It’s important to prioritize trust, respect, equality, communication, and compromise.

A relationship built on mutual understanding and respect will not only improve the dynamics between partners but also foster a lasting, healthy, and happy relationship.