27th of February 2015

Bad Advice From The Internet: “Women Love Assholes”


Getting drunk, yelling, and being rude with women are not effective mating strategies.

However, there are traits of an ‘asshole’ that women find attractive. This was Tucker’s mating strategy for almost 10 years. He wrote 3 books about this, but its difficult to pull off and works best with a limited number of women in specific situations.

A better strategy is to be a Tender Defender (We also have a whole podcast on this in our How To Be Attractive Series.


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What Are The Traits Of An “Asshole”?

There are traits of an “asshole” that women do respond to like confidence, bravery, being fun, interesting, not boring, having social proof around them, and counter-signaling.

However, being mean or rude is not included in those traits, unless the woman has emotional problems or daddy issues.

Being an asshole and still attractive is a huge counter-signal and makes him even more attractive to most women.

When you see a girl with a guy who you think is an asshole, ask yourself two questions:

1) Is he really an asshole? Why do I think he’s an asshole?

Always question your assumptions. You might not really know him or their relationship that well.

and 2) Does she have emotional issues?

There are certain emotional problems that a few women have where they seek out assholes. Her underlying issues might not be obvious to you.

A Better Model To Follow Is The Tender Defender

We’ve explained the Tender Defender model in past podcasts. There will be a whole chapter about this in the book Mate.

For now, look at heroes of action movies. Bruce Willis in Die Hard and James Bond are good examples. He can be an asshole to others but not with the woman. With her, he is sweet and affectionate but also firm and assertive.

A man who is very attractive and won’t commit to any woman but her is a fantasy all women have. Many romance novels (female porn) have this character. It’s one of the reasons why 50 Shades of Grey is so popular. The takeaway here is that when you meet a new girl, go slowly and be non-committal at first.

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