23rd of May 2014

Where To Start If You’re Lost With Women, Part 8: The Path Forward

This is the final part of the series, where we lay out the path forward–both for you, and for the site.

We’ve covered a lot of ground, but in most ways we’ve barely started. Like I said many times, almost every single paragraph in this series could be expanded into thousands of words of deeper explanation. And for pretty much all of it, we’re going to do just that, either here or in the book or both.

I’m going to lay out our path forward but before I do that, I just want to reiterate to guys: it doesn’t need to be complicated or take forever to start understanding and applying these lessons to your lives.

Guys, all effective advice about women boils down to a simple set of repeatable actions:

1. Understand what it is that the women you want respond favorably to (and why),

2. Cultivate some of those attributes in yourself,

3. Display these attributes to the women you want to attract.

Of course you can make it infinitely more complicated, but it doesn’t really have to be. In fact, if you think of this like an OODA loop, then you’ll understand how incredibly simple the process is. Maybe not easy, but definitely simple.

The problem with most guys is not that they can’t do this. It’s that they have so many faulty assumptions and bad ideas about sex and dating and women, they get completely turned around and lost in their own head, and can’t see outside their faulty assumptions. Plainly put: their model of reality is wrong, and it screws up all their perceptions, decisions and actions.

That should be your basic path forward if you are a guy trying to get better with girl: figure out where your model of sex, dating and women is wrong, and then fix it.

And that is our path forward as well, just from the other side: we need to understand how and where guys are going wrong in their models, and present this information in a way that fixes it.

Here’s the thing: almost all the information is out there. Geoff Miller and I don’t really have any “secrets.” All the information you need to create a very rich mental model of women, sex and dating to guide your thoughts, decisions and actions successfully exists. We know it very well, in fact.

The problem is that none of it is in one place, and none of it is presented in a cohesive framework that guys can understand, apply to their life, and be proud of doing. Some is still only in research papers, or obscure academic books, some is littered across spammy websites, some is framed as sales or conversation advice, some is timeless, cliched advice that is presented in ways that make no sense to guys, etc, etc, etc.

As the world exists right now, we expect guys to just figure it out. Most aren’t. Most guys are lost, and as a result they get angry, depressed, and cynical, and I don’t blame them. It’s bullshit that our society does not teach young men the skills they need to succeed at what is possibly the most defining aspect of their identity (outside of their work): how they relate to women.

That’s the reason we started this project–to solve this problem. And the reason we are doing the site so far out in front of the book (which won’t be out until probably mid to late 2015), and why we will take our time to get this right; even though we know exactly what we want to say, we aren’t entirely sure how we want to say it.

We are combining a lot of different ideas in new ways and then teaching these ideas to guys, and doing something new takes time to get right. After all, communication is not what we say, but what you hear (which is a lesson I wish our educational system understood). We don’t always know what you are hearing, but with your help and feedback, we’ll figure it out.

That’s our primary goal here–both with the site and the book–to present all the information and knowledge about how men can be successful with women together in one place, and do in a way that is not only understandable to guys, but also actionable, compelling and rewarding to men (and the women they date).

That’s our end goal: If we do our jobs right, then the men who read this do way better with women and get what they want–and women get what they want as well, which are great guys to have relationships with.

The reality is, people want to get together. The problem is that lots of things stand in the way of that. Most of those things are not inherent structural barriers (i.e. physical), but are informational and emotional barriers (i.e. thoughts). The second type of barrier can be beaten with the right information and knowledge, and that’s what you need to get for yourself–and what we are helping you with.


What’s Coming From The Mating Grounds

As a general rule, I don’t like getting too specific about our plans going forward, simply because things change, and until something is done, it’s not done. Here are some things I can promise with a high degree of certainty:

-Guest based podcast: We will have a Mating Grounds podcast, this is for certain. I’ve already taped 5 episodes, and will probably do 10-15 before we launch it. There are two types of guests; big names that you know and probably have seen other places (people like John Durant, Robert Greene, etc), and less well known names but that have very interesting or compelling things to teach (academics, researchers, etc).

-Geoff & Tucker conversations: Geoff Miller will be in Austin this summer, and we’re going to spend a lot of time having long conversations about the book and the content in the book. We are going to record these and release these as podcast/video material as well, but I’m not sure if they’ll be their own series or part of the podcast.

-Some website material: I know this is frustrating to lots of readers, but we’re not going to have tons of written content this summer/fall. The book is the first priority, and we need to finish it this year. But once the book is done, we’ll start releasing a lot of written material next year leading up to the book. My goal is to have 2-3 new pieces of content out per week, with at least one being a podcast, and one being a written piece, and one being a general link piece. We’ll see if we can hit that goal.

-More direct interaction with fans: We have a way for people to ask for advice directly via email, and I have been personally reading and responding to those questions. That’s helped us understand a lot about where some guys are coming from and their level of knowledge, but we’re definitely looking to expand this part of the site.  Not sure what that will look like though; a messageboard, a private forum, a reddit subforum, etc. We may even start posting the questions fans send us, with our answers back (anonymous, of course). If you have ideas about what you’d like to see here, feel free to send them here.

-More direct Geoff Miller content: I know Geoff wants to be more directly involved in the site, and lots of readers want that as well, so we’ll probably do something along those lines. Maybe a separate “Ask The Doctor” section where Geoff answers reader questions? My favorite random idea that John Durant gave me: Have Geoff  critique the advice given on other dating advice sites (especially those that claim to use psychological or evolutionary psychological principles). That could be fucking hilarious, to have a weekly “Bad Advice From The Internet” column. Any other ideas, feel free to send them along.

-What won’t happen: I know a lot of our readers so far are expecting us to follow that standard spammy pick-up artist info product model; do lots of free content first, then push people into a sales funnel and ultimately ask them for a lot of money for our “good” information. That’s not going to happen. When I say we’re doing something different in a different way, I mean it. Yes of course we want to make money, and yes, we will offer things for sale (we already do), but we believe the best way to make money is by providing information that’s incredibly valuable in a way that is as accessible as possible, not by tricking and manipulating lonely desperate guys into paying thousands of dollars for bullshit. Our best stuff will always be free (on this site) or very cheap (in the book).

The point of this project is to help guys first. Money is second (and in fact, the best way to make money is to first provide great value). Geoff and I (and Nils) are both very successful already, we don’t need or want any quick cash. If we ever offer anything beyond what we’re in the process of doing now (like an expensive course or conference) it’ll be because some guys want them and need them and ask us for them. But most guys don’t need that stuff, and we aren’t going to pretend they do so we can scam them. We see this project as something that incredibly important, and we believe if we do this right, it can change men (and society) for the better (incidentally, this is also the best way to make money, by taking the long term view, which no internet marketer understands).

If you don’t believe me right now, that’s totally understandable. The dating/girl advice space has been filled with scammers and fraudsters and the like for a long time. But we aren’t from that space, and we don’t operate that way (which is why we’re very successful in other fields like publishing, entertainment and academia). Feel free to take a wait and see approach.


Where To Start If You’re Lost With Women:

Part 1: Developing The Right Mindset

Part 2: How Mating Works

Part 3: What Women Are Attracted To

Part 4: The “Why” Of Female Attraction

Part 5: How To Be More Attractive To Women 

Part 6: Figuring Out What You Want

Part 7: Where To Find Women 

Part 8: The Road Forward

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