Here’s an email we got from a Mating Grounds listener. I want to really highlight this, because not only has this dude taken our advice and seen hugely beneficial changes, but he has listened and learned. Instead of thinking there is a specific checklist to life, he’s taken in not just the specific actionable advice we give all of you, but he is also learning the underlying principles behind that advice that we harp on so much–so he can apply them to every situation. I’m going to comment in bold throughout this guys email, to show you what I mean.
Hey Tucker, (and Geoff and Nils if you are reading this),
Been listening to all the podcasts. At this point I really don’t have any more feedback apart from wanting to say that you guys are doing everything right. You’re doing an incredible job. I like Nils as an addition on the Q&A’s. He’s really good at getting at the heart of the questions and keeping the overview. I wanted to let you know because I think positive feedback is just as important as negative feedback, since it let’s you know when you’re doing it right and you can stay on that track.
Also, I want to share with you my experience of putting your advice into practice. It’s going to be a long ass email. Maybe it can serve as a success story and be inspiring to other guys. And hopefully it’s inspiring to you as well. Kind of like seeing the fruits of your labor and the positive change you guys are making.
So quick overview: I’m 25 years old, living in Amsterdam, the Netherlands and in the final phase of getting my Master’s degree. Little over half a year ago I split up with my then-gf. It kind of felt like I had to reorganize my life. As part of that I joined a student social entrepreneurship non-profit and I had just joined CrossFit as well.
Since the beginning of the Mating Grounds I’ve been working to develop my attractiveness. And slowly but surely I started feeling better and getting slightly more interest from girls. But this month things really started clicking and since this week I feel like I’ve reached a new level.
Earlier this month there was a shift in the way girls responded to me. The girls I met were clearly more interested in me and I started getting phone numbers and started kissing girls I’d meet at parties. This without really trying. it feels like it “just happened” .
I know exactly why the change occurred. It’s because of two things:
1) I stopped focusing on trying to get girls and instead started focusing on having fun
2) I really tried to treat people (including girls) as persons
This is what you guys have been repeating over and over and I finally managed to get it right. And once I did things just started to flow and good things started happening. AND I was having way more fun, feeling better and generally having a more enjoyable experience (irrespective of results by the way). [this is exactly what we tell you guys–if you have fun, then you’ll be more enjoyable to be around and women will want to be around you, and many of them will want to have sex with you.]
Perfect example is last week when I was at a festival. I was having fun meeting different people, both guys and girls and at one point I meet this really cool chick. We really clicked and we just stayed dancing and talking until 12 in the afternoon the next day. Finally she walked me home. She didn’t stay but that didn’t phase me in the slightest. Because first off, the whole night I spend with her, just talking, dancing and kissing was enjoyable in itself. I liked her company. I liked her as a person and I was just having fun being with her. And secondly, I know there’s a very good chance that we’ll see each other again.
That was last weekend. Then this last week started. And man, I had been waiting for this week for a long ass time.
See I had joined CrossFit and the student social entrepreneurship non-profit. Both dealt with interests of mine so in theory I should be meeting girls through these activities. But that just wasn’t the case. Here’s why:
1) Numbers: Both have few members, which means fewer potentially interesting girls
2) The girls at CF are professionals, no longer students. There’s girls aren’t interested in me because I’m competing with older guys who are professionals.
3) A lot of the chicks at my box are too bulky for my taste (don’t get me wrong, a lot of them are awesome chicks, just not attracted to them)
4) Though entrepreneurship is an interest of mine, I discovered that girls who are into entrepreneurship are too professionally oriented and masculine for me.
So I decided to pursue another interest of mine, travel and foreign cultures, by volunteering as a coach/guide for exchange students during introduction week and that was this last week! [This is awesome–instead of only focusing on the specific suggestions we gave–which in his case did not work–he understood the principles we were teaching, and applied them to his life.]
Basically I guided a group of exchange students while they did cool and fun activities in the afternoon and partied in the evenings/nights, and of course joining in too. This was easily the best decision of my college life, EVER! And I will forever regret that I hadn’t done this a couple years earlier.
Of course EVERYTHING was working in my favor:
– I’m in a position of authority and leadership —> attraction and instant trust
– I’m a local with connections, resources and knowledge (know good places to go, an own apartment, practical information regarding living here) —> attraction
– I’m one of the older guys (25, while average age is 21-22) —> attraction / male-male competition
– I speak three languages fluently, get in situations where I can demonstrate it, in front of people who value it —> attraction
– I’ve always been into foreign girls. Add on top of that these girls are on an exchange so on average are more adventurous and love to travel, more stuff I like.
– Conversely, they are probably into foreign/exotic dudes. Which to them I am. —> attraction
– Numbers: Lots of exchange students means lots of cool and hot chicks (and awesome, friend-worthy dudes by the way)
Seriously, how many fucking advantages can one guy have!? It’s not even fair! And sure enough, this week I’ve met more girls who were obviously into me than I can count or recall. Hell, I bet there were a bunch of girls who were into me but who I didn’t even notice as well. And all I had to do to get to know them was to utter in their basic direction. (Of course, the earlier stuff about having fun and treating everybody as a person still applied.) [I am so proud of this guy, he listened and understood what we were talking about, and applied it to his own life–this is the opposite of how PUA’s and other people teach, and it works way better].
The whole week culminated into one fucking amazing night. The last afternoon activity ended at 5pm, while the final party started at 11pm. All of these exchange students stay in dorms and have no clue about where to go to bridge the time gap. So I decided to host a pre-party at my place, invited my own group, any other cool people I had met during the week and a couple other coaches which also brought their group AND I told everyone to bring along any friends they had made during the week. I told them that I would take care of pizzas for everyone and that they should bring their own booze.
Dude, people where hanging out of the windows and at one point people just started hanging out in front of the building because it was so full! A girl I hooked up with monday came over and brought her hot friends. Everybody introduced themselves to me and thanked me for my hospitality. I had free booze. And most important of all, everybody was having fun experiencing their first house party in Amsterdam (instead of miserably waiting in their dorms for the party to start or wandering around the city in shitty bars). Everybody was happy! [this is what happens when you take control of your social life and initiate new groups and activities with other people–you become 10x more attractive.]
Then we went to the actual final party and more awesomeness ensued. First I was just having fun with the people from my group. But pretty soon I started talking to girls I was into and which I had already met earlier that week. Eventually I really hit it off with one and we started making out. She was very aggressive which I liked. But again, I wasn’t just desperately trying to get in her pants. I was actually talking to her on a personal level, being interested in her and generally having fun with her, not just sexually (kissing, touching, dancing) but also otherwise (cracking jokes, scarring people). After a while we got out of there and she stayed over at my place. [see how this works? He’s doing it exactly right]
From this week I got at least 5 cool and attractive girls who I might want to and easily can meet with again. But I also met a lot of cool guys who I’m looking forward to being friends with. And there will be a weekly party and activities for all the exchange students and coaches so I can always meet more cool people there. Life just feels fucking amazing right now. [so smart–he turned a one time thing into a regular social event that brings women to him in a position of authority. Brilliant application of what we’ve been preaching.]
Another interesting thing is that since meeting more women this last month and especially last week my goals are slightly changing. Until this point my goal was to simply have hook ups but that’s shifting to something like casual dating. There reasons are that I’ve discovered that I really enjoy the emotional component to meeting girls. You know, just being affectionate with each other. A second thing is the sex. I had forgotten how awkward first time sex can be and I know I’ll enjoy the sex more if I can get to know a girls body and preferences. [good for you dude–I went through this change too. It’s not necessary–you don’t have to do it–but it is nice if you get into it.]
In closing, I think I’ve always been relatively attractive but you (Tucker, Geoff and Nils) have helped me understand women and their needs, helped me how to interact with them and helped me understand the importance of setting up my life in a way where I naturally meet women who are attracted to me. And by doing so I’m finally getting to where I want to be with women. I’m not there yet but I swear, thanks to you guys I’m getting so close.
Sincerely, thank you Tucker, Geoff and Nils.