BECOME THE MAN WOMEN WANT
6th of October 2014

How To Be Attractive To Women, Pt. 1: Our Embarrassing Stories

Introduction:

This week’s episode is part one of a thirteen-part series explaining everything you need to know to become attractive to women. In the first part of this series, Tucker and Geoff discuss their embarrassing stories from when they were younger, sharing all the mistakes they made and what they learned from them. This is the funniest episode yet, and Tucker shares the discovery that quintupled his success.

Podcast:


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Video:

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Key takeaways:

  • Everyone starts at pretty much the same place. You shouldn’t be comparing yourself to people who are more experienced. Whatever issues you have, someone else has had those issues before you and worked through them. It’s okay to be new and make mistakes, just make sure you learn from them.
  • Women like having sex just as much as guys. Being anything other than direct and honest is a complete waste of time. This does not mean straight-up asking a girl to sleep with you, it just means being open about your intentions and not lying. Also, don’t lie to yourself. Tell the truth to yourself about what you want and what you don’t want.
  • Stop worrying about having sex, just worry about having fun. If you focus on the target, you will get anxious about it and it will seem desperate, which is extremely unattractive to women. If you focus on enjoying yourself, everything else will flow from that.
  • Don’t get caught up on a specific girl, especially if it’s for no reason and the girl does not reciprocate. If a girl doesn’t like you, move on. Stop focusing on specific girls and start focusing on what your goals are.
  • Having a crush is your brain’s way of practicing romantic love. You have structures in your brain that are developing when you’re young to learn how to love, to learn how to connect, to learn how to emotionally attach. A lot of times those get reassigned to things that they shouldn’t be because they have to find something to attach to. We all do this, this is totally natural. The problem comes when you don’t move out of that and you don’t start acting on right things in your own life. Finding girls who are into you, interacting with them. If you can’t find them going to places where you think they’re going to be. Keep trying new things. Things like that.
  • Don’t use pickup lines.
  • Don’t act older than you are, just own the age that you are. It’s okay to still be developing.
  • Even if you have a disastrous date, even if you’re rejected, find something funny about it. This will give you something to talk about later and it becomes material for future courtship and self-deprecation and humor, and it also diffuses all the emotional shame of it. It gives you higher status. If you recognize something you did was ridiculous and laugh at it, it diffuses all those issues.
  • Don’t be ashamed that you still have things to learn, you didn’t do anything wrong. Everyone is always learning, even us. Don’t look at Geoff and I as some amazing finished product that you can never aspire to. We are both flawed, and we both make mistakes.
  • Women have their own sources of shame. When you’re on dates with them they will do things that they feel embarrassed about, and then your reaction to that can either make them feel self-conscious and shitty, or it can be funny in a way that’s warm and accepting.
  • Don’t get discouraged, just keep working at it. Be happy for small victories.
  • I fundamentally believe that all of you guys can do this. Looking at both Dr. Miller and I when we were 14, you couldn’t have picked us to become who we’ve become. We made who we are, and you guys can do the same thing. We’re not saying anyone can be anything, but you can be very, very good at the things you care about if you work at them.
  • You have to learn how to believe in yourself, and to find the courage to become the man you want to be. By becoming the man you want to be, you will get the relationships you desire, whatever those are.
  • Understand that at some point, you have to go out and use these techniques with yourself and with women. You’ve got to change your life. You’ve got to put in the work.

Links from this episode

Podcast Audio Transcription:

Tucker:
So, on this episode of Mating Grounds Podcast we are going to talk about how to become attractive to women. This is going to be part one of a many, many part series. We’re going to really explain sort of all the basic sort of valances of attraction for women, what they care about, how to understand those sort of things like intelligence, emotional health, status, money, things like that. And then we’re going to explain how to get better at those things. But before we do that, we’ve gotten a lot of feedback in the last couple weeks from readers. And, by the way, readers and listeners, we appreciate the feedback and we actually listen. And this episode is actually proof that we read and listen to this feedback because a lot of the readers have or listeners have also said they feel like we don’t talk enough about our personal experiences. And that they feel like they kind of see us, especially younger guys, not the older guys who listen but the younger guys see us as these guys who are very successful. And it’s like they can’t relate to use. You know, they see me as Tucker Max as this, you know, kind of famous guy or whatever who’s in all these things and you’re Dr. Miller. You’re this famous scientist who’s done all these things. And they just can’t draw the line from where they are to where we are. And we haven’t done a super good job of explaining to them that we used to be them. You know? And that’s the reality guys is that virtually every man you see who’s very successful whether it’s business or sexually or with family or all of those things started off as a guy who was not doing well in high school, who probably didn’t like high school, who, even if he was doing well had a lot of problems and insecurities and fears and maybe even shame or whatever your issues are, there’s a ton of very successful guys who had those exact issues. And they worked through them. And, so, what we’re going to do in this episode is we’re going to talk about what we did, very specifically. We’re going to tell you a bunch of stories about the things that we’ve done that have been ridiculous failures. I know Dr. Miller and I have already shared a couple of these things. Like Dr. Miller’s now famous eight hour Hitler movie date which was pretty awesome and I’ve talked about a few things but we’re going to really kind of dig into some details about the things we did wrong and we’re going to tell you very specific sort of things that we did to get better, to get better in our lives, right? We’re going to get into the granular details of how you can do better in the next few weeks. But we’re going to tell you the big sort of turning points for us, the big sort of model changes, the insights, the major things, the signposts in our life that led us to being who we are. Alright, cool. So, why don’t we start Dr. Miller with maybe one of your favorite stories about how you were just an utter failure or ridiculous neophyte with women especially when you were young, maybe high schoolish.

Geoff:
I think the principle problem that I had was actually I watched a little bit too much natural history when I was a kid, too much PBS.

Tucker:
Yeah.

Geoff:
And I was like ‘Well, male animals attract female animals by just displaying and they just do impressive stuff in front of the females and the females notice. And then go to the male and solicit copulation. And that’s what I should do, I guess.’ And so on swim team in the summers, for example, I was a pretty good swimmer. And I just assumed that if I just showed excellence in terms of like speed and the backstroke that all the women in the pool would notice and I would not need to actually go talk to them. I figured, you know, the way the human courtship would kind of play out is you do something awesome and then the girl approaches you. And I wasn’t quite sure what happened next but I assumed it was something to do with like she would go into lordosis with an arched back and then you’d mate. I had no idea oh, you have to actually do verbal courtship. You have to talk to them. And so, all my sexual fantasies were these bizarre instances where like okay Nadia Comaneci, an amazing gymnast, first ever to get a perfect ten in the Olympics.

Tucker:
Right.

Geoff:
I had this recurring sexual fantasy. ‘Okay, she’s going to defect to America. Somehow find her way to Cincinnati, Ohio, climb in my bedroom window and jump up.

Tucker:
Because you’re such a good swimmer?

Geoff:
And down on top of me. Because I’m such a good swimmer and she’s bound to magically notice somehow and be like ‘Fuck Romania, I’m going to Ohio because there’s some 13 year old there who’s got a crush on me.’ So, I had almost this magical thinking that if you just display stuff in public then women will automatically come up to you and start talking to you. No, no, no. You’re missing a few steps in there.

Tucker:
Yes. That’s a fantastic. I’m trying to think of. I think we talked about this in another podcast that just the way that my brain works. I’m sort of like a NFL cornerback. Like I forget my mistakes really quickly. They don’t tend to bother me unless they’re like ‘Oh, wow. This is a mistake,’ and then I learn from it. I’m like ‘Okay, I got fooled here. I did something stupid and I learned,’ and then it’s almost like I forget my mistakes. But I know in high school at least for me the big problem was, I think, very similar to what you said except I had a totally different angle. I had absolutely no fucking idea what women… I really didn’t know anything about women. Like what they liked, what they didn’t like, what they were into, like I had no model for what women, the way women thought, right? So, like, I mean, like my goodness if I had access to the Mating Grounds stuff or almost anything it would have helped me. But I remember one of the big things that I thought was cool was I thought it was very cool if you had sort of – because of the high school I went to – this is super embarrassing to talk about but I thought it would be really cool if you had, fuck, if you had like really high status parents, right, or you had someone in your family doing stuff. I don’t know how I got that in my head. I think it was because one or two of the guys who were really successful or at least appeared successful early on maybe in like middle school or something. Yeah, one of the dudes who was dating the girl that I had the biggest crush on, they were both a little bit older. His dad was like something really big and famous in Kentucky. And, so, you know, which probably meant he had a fancy horse or something, who knows? But like it was something important so for some reason that was in my head. And this is like 14 or 15 or something like that, 13 maybe even. So, my mom, of course, was just whatever a mom. She didn’t do shit but my dad owned restaurants in Florida and like, you know, had a few articles in the newspaper, whatever. And, so, fuck I can’t even. This is one of the stories, like I said I never wrote about this because it’s so, it’s lame without being funny, you know, unless you’re laughing like we’re all kind of in on the same joke. So, I remember, I think it was a 14 year old or something, I think it was 8th grade, 13 maybe. I brought like clips of newspaper coverage of my like my dad’s restaurants and him like an interview or something he did, like some local thing. Like it’s not even like he’s in the New York Times or anything important. It was just some local paper about a fucking restaurant, like it couldn’t mean less. And I was showing it to this girl trying to like ‘Yeah, my dad this and my dad that.’ And I remember like I only realized it even like years later. Like remembering back on the incident because I remember, obviously, nothing happened. It was like ‘Oh, that’s nice,’ and like she was being nice to me. She wasn’t cruel or mean or bitchy but I remember like a couple years later once I had, I guess, my brain had developed or I stopped being a 14 year old idiot, I remember thinking ‘My God, that girl must have thought I was the biggest loser on Earth.’ And, by the way, she did. I don’t think she talked to me. Her name was Ginger. She didn’t talk to me, I think, for the rest of the year, like avoided me. And she was never — She wasn’t really into me before but like she was at least nice to me, you know, the way you’re nice to like, I don’t know, a crippled person or something. Like and she was great. She was one of the hottest girls in junior high and middle school and blah, blah, blah. But like, oh God, it makes me anxious to think about that now. Because like that’s not even a funny cool thing like ‘Oh, I threw up on myself like that’s funny.’ That’s like, that reflects such an utter almost pathetic lack of understanding of anything about women or life or whatever. But yeah, like we all come from this situation, guys. Like we’ve said this over and over, if you don’t understand anything or if you understand far less than you want to know, it’s okay because the fact is no one has ever fucking taught you this stuff and there’s no way you can learn it. I was pathetic at that age. I was pathetic all the way, fuck for a long time, a decade, I don’t know, a long time after that.

Geoff:
I didn’t even understand how sexual intercourse worked until I was 14 and I got a random dirty phone call. Some woman just randomly called my house and I happened to answer rather than my dad, thank God. And she just started talking about like ‘Oh, I’m so horny and I’m just rubbing myself.’ I don’t know she was from probably Kentucky. And she started using all these terms I hadn’t heard before like put your X in my Y and I was just listening mouth agape like ‘Wait, wait, wait. What are? Just tell me what are labia? I have no idea what you’re talking about.’ And it was a very fast 20 minute like crash course in sexual anatomy. And after that I thought ‘Wow, I’ve learned so much.’ And I felt kind of dirty and kind of ashamed because clearly this woman was like in her 30s and probably married and mentally ill.

Tucker:
But you learned.

Geoff:
Okay, now I know what fits where and that’s, you know, okay, that’s useful.

Tucker:
I’ll tell you another good story. I think this is in one of my books. I remember this. I’ve had plenty of nights where I went out and I was good. We tell guys a lot don’t go to bars and clubs unless you’re good at that and even, you know, I got good at it. I learned how to be good. No one steps out of the womb clocking hoes. It just doesn’t work that way, right? I can remember this one time. This one specific night, I don’t know why I remember this so much because I thought the line was so funny and it just, no one else thought it was funny. I think this was, I’m pretty sure it was in college. I think I was maybe 22 like maybe the summer after I graduated or the summer, junior year, I forget. But I was in south Florida and I was out. It was pretty soon after I started drinking. I was out with my friends, some of my friends in south Florida. And I remember like I’d had too much to drink and for some reason I got in my head that this was the funniest thing I could ever say to a woman. And, so, this one is more funny pathetic than sad pathetic like the previous story. But I went up to probably four girls that night and I was like ‘Hey, you know, you’re so hot.’ I would start talking to them. And then like maybe ten seconds into the conversation I’d be like ‘You know, you’re so hot if you were dead I’d still fuck your corpse for a month.’ Fuck. I thought that was. I came up with that line. I thought it was the funniest thing. Like I didn’t think it wasn’t meant as a seduction line. To me, it was just fucking hilarious, right? And I thought ‘Oh, of course, any woman who has a good sense of humor will love this,’ but of course, at 22 it didn’t make sense. I didn’t understand that like when you talk about fucking corpses with a woman you just met that’s not going to be attractive, right? And, so, that was the night that, that same night I remember like I woke up. I went home. I was pretty fucking drunk that night and I woke up. I was staying, I forget. I wasn’t staying at my parents’ place that summer in Florida. And I went home. And I remember I woke up at like three or four A.M. with my computer mouse in one hand, my ring hand because I jerk off left handed. My computer mouse in one hand, my dick in my other hand, and like pants around my ankles sitting in like my computer chair and like some porn hub video on repeat. Like I woke up at four A.M. and I remember like jerking awake and looked at the screen. And I kind of looked down. And I was like ‘What the fuck am I doing? Like I am fucking up. I need to actually start thinking about this and getting better instead of just going out and acting like a fucking idiot.’ Like, right, that was my strategy. My strategy is that early 20s was be relentlessly aggressive with women. Not creepy like I’m going to rape you aggressive but just like my goal was to get laid, you know? And, so, women, of course, could smell that on me and that’s never attractive especially a young eager guy who’s like ‘Hey, how you doing? You want a drink? You want to go to my place?’ Like very, very eager about sex or if that didn’t work then my immediate strategy would shift to just make a fool of myself and get drunk and sort of like alleviate my either anxiety or fear or guilt or shame at not succeeding, right? And, so, right, I would go from like over aggressive to ridiculous things like you’re so hot if you were dead I’d still fuck your corpse for a month, right? That shit didn’t work. It was really stupid and it led to a bunch of these sort of situations where I was like ‘Alright, like I’m not just failing, I’m failing pathetically, and I need to really stop and think about what I’m doing.’

Geoff:
I think one, yeah, one warning signal is almost any well practiced line before you’re about age 20 is a bad idea. So, junior high school we had this thing called Cotillion where you’d dress up in like literal tuxedo and black tie four times a year and have a formal dance with, you know, girls and boys from other high schools, junior high school, in fact. And I thought it’ll be really impressive if I introduce myself using a fake name. What’s the coolest fake name I can think of? It’s the name of the wizard from Dungeons and Dragons that I play. So, I would go up to girls and introduce myself. ‘Hi. I’m Ariok Pendrake the wizard.’

Tucker:
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

Geoff:
And if she was willing to dance with me. If she was willing to dance I made sure it was like a punk song or new wave.

Tucker:
A cotillion?

Geoff:
Yeah, yeah. They would, like we’d be in black tie and they’d play like Black Flag and punk shit like Adam and the Ants.

Tucker:
What the hell is going on?

Geoff:
And then I would basically stand in one place and do the pogo which is jumping up and down vertically as high as you can. Call me Ariok. And that doesn’t work, you know? It’s hard to be natural at that age but basically any line you practiced mentally in your head is not going to work.

Tucker:
It’s awful. Yeah.

Geoff:
And I also didn’t know how to give signs of interest in girls. I had a huge crush on a girl from about 8th to 10th grade. And my way of trying to court her was silently ride home on the same bus that she rode on which was not the bus that went nearest to my house. It went to her house. And sit within two rows of her and kind of hope she would notice that I was displaying romantic proof of interest because I thought.

Tucker:
Right. It’s also called stalking.

Geoff:
Yeah, it was kind of stalking.

Tucker:
Yes.

Geoff:
But I thought of it as sweet.

Tucker:
Right.

Geoff:
Right? And then eventually I got up the nerve to send her a huge boxful of incense sticks for Valentine’s Day and leave them on her front door whatever with a cryptic little note from G. Despite that, eventually–

Tucker:
Like a cat taking a mouse to its owner or something.

Geoff:
Did I know whether she liked incense? No. I had no idea. It was like ‘Oh, that’ll be something romantic and weird.’ She eventually agreed to go to a movie with me. And in the course of the movie date, bad idea to start with.

Tucker:
Yes.

Geoff:
We were talking afterwards and it became clear to me ‘Oh, she’s dated my uncle Rick who’s only three years older than me and in college.’ Like she’d already hooked up with my uncle. And she didn’t know he was my uncle because he had a different last name. And I found that so sexually intimidating.

Tucker:
Yes.

Geoff:
That I couldn’t call her again for six months. So, you know, I was just kind of, I wasn’t doing any mind reading. I was like ‘Oh, how would she know just because I’m riding on the same bus as her that I have any interest in her romantically?’ I just kind of assumed that oh, if I’m making effort vaguely around her that she’s going to notice and that’s not true.

Tucker:
Yeah, I’ve got a couple. You know what I’ll do? There’s one story I know I wrote about like trying to hit on, like I broke my hand in a fight once and, you know, this was, I don’t know, 2000, 2001, 2002, something like that. I think it was right after I got out of law school so ’01, ’02. Like I remember the intern like the med student but it was like a fourth year someone in the residency or something like that. She was, whatever. She was a doctor. And she was really hot and she was maybe like three years older, two years, a year older, a little bit older than me. And, so, it was like, you know, here comes, in south Florida no less, a drunk dude comes in with a broken hand. It’s like ‘Okay, he’s a fucking meat head.’ And everything I did with this girl was wrong in every way. It was like sort of like what I was talking about like the relentless aggression. I’m like ‘Oh, hello nurse.’ And she’s like ‘Well, you know, I’m not a nurse. I’m a med student.’ I’m like ‘Well, whatever you are, you’re hot.’ It was like alright dude. This is like an intelligent woman who’s at work. This is the worst thing. It’s almost like every mistake you can make as an over-aggressive guy I made it and it was funny. It was to the point where I was supposed, I think, if I remember the story correctly. I’ll put it on the page that’s associated with this. I think was supposed to get a check-up with her on it. And she changed the appointment so that she wouldn’t be working when I came in for the checkup. So, I had to go like another whatever. It was like one of those things where, and of course, I thought she was into me. I’m like oh yeah, no she’s into me dude. No, she’s working. She’s a nice person and was working. It’s sort of like when guys are like ‘Oh, the bartender’s into me.’ No, she works for tips, dude. Like she’s not into you, you know? I’ve done that so many times. And, right, there’s nothing to write about in there. Like that one, I wrote about that story just because like I think I wrote down the notes and, so, the conversation was kind of funny or something but there’s nothing to write about. That’s just lame. And that’s basically — it’s funny. Mark Cuban said this about business. He said ‘To be great at business you only have to right once.’ You can be wrong 100 times but if you’re right once you’ve got a great business. And I don’t think it works exactly the same with women but I know that the road to getting really good with women, for me, is not just littered with failures. It was almost nothing but failure for definitely high school. High school was, let’s call it 99% failure. College was 95% failure. 90% whatever maybe by the end. Law school. Law school I think I started law school at about an 80% failure rate and I think by the time I left law school I was down to 50%. And I’ll tell you, there’s one big thing that changed for me. And this is actually in one of my books. So, what happened in law school was, I think I was 24 when this happened. So, remember, guys, I failed with at least 90% of the women that I’d pursued sexually up to 24 in my life, right? So, and by this time I’d maybe slept with, I don’t know somewhere between it’s hard for me to like remember, 30 and 50 women or something. Let’s call it that. Second semester of my second year in law school, probably less actually at this point. It was probably 20 or less, maybe 25, I don’t know, 30. So, second semester in my second year in law school, I got a job in Cancun. Like onsite staff in Cancun. And that changed my whole fucking world because really I think it taught me the two big lessons that I think have guided me and that we talk about all the time, right? So, basically, Cancun, if you guys don’t know, it’s the big spring break spot. It’s not in America; it’s in Mexico. But all the American kids go down there. And it’s like when people go down there it’s like, you know, everybody’s on vacation. It’s like getting drunk, hooking up, it’s almost like this sort of, it’s like an orgy almost. Not literally but very close, right? Before I got to Cancun, I think, there were two big things I didn’t– One of the big misconceptions I had about women was that I had to persuade or convince women to sort of have sex with me or kind of woo them, right? And then their job was to resist me and make me work for it, this sort of really 50s patriarchal sort of notion of sex that still a lot of people have, right? And in Cancun all I saw was all these women who wanted to fuck just as much as men. And I realized holy shit, everything I thought was wrong, right? And what I realized was being direct, being anything other than direct was a complete waste of time, direct and honest. Complete waste of time. And that doesn’t mean walking up to girls and saying ‘Hey, do you want to fuck?’ It means like understanding the situation you’re in and understanding the sort of rules that go around it. So, clearly vacation spots, clubs at vacation spots, they’re mating markets for short-term mating. And there’s very clear sorting behavior. And, so, I was like bringing sort of American like ridiculous thoughts about sex there, right? But I also realized it’s not just about telling the truth to women. It’s telling truth to yourself about what you want and what you don’t want. Before that time, I know I had convinced myself in my head or I thought that I kind of did want a girlfriend, you know? Like ‘Oh, I don’t have date you but like I’m really looking for a girlfriend. A girlfriend’s what I want. Blah, blah, blah.’ And for me, at least, that was total bullshit. I was lying to myself. I convinced myself that the narrative that I’d heard from so many other people was right, that you have to have a girlfriend. That that’s the standard thing to do. That you can’t just want to have sex with a lot of women. And I learned, I think in Cancun, to strip that bullshit out of myself and to realize you know what, I want to have sex with as many women as possible as much as possible, at that point in my life. I didn’t become the Tucker Max that people know of as in the books until that trip to Cancun. That was the first lesson. The second lesson, the second big one was I stopped worrying about sex and I just started worrying about having fun, right? Which we say over and over. But that’s, here’s how I learned this lesson. There are so many girls in Cancun, right? And so many of them want to have sex that it’s almost like if you’re making any effort it’s hard to not get laid. You’re going to get laid, right? So, what happened was I learned the first week honest with myself, honest with women. So, there was always women around, right? So, basically it was which one did I want, especially because I was onsite staff. It was easier for me. So, you know, I had authority so women trusted me and I was a little bit older than the college guys. So, I was in a really good position. So, I basically, had pussy locked down every single night. So, I stopped caring about pussy. I didn’t worry about it at all. So many guys when they go out they get, and I was the same way, they get very anxious. Am I going to get laid tonight? And then it’s like they, you know, they get anxious about it and they focus on it and that’s their thing and that’s extremely. What that creates is desperation which is extremely unattractive to women. Like we’ve said over and over, desperation codes as low status and no woman likes low status guys. You know, even if they’re looking for fathers they’re still not liking low status guys. That’s very unattractive, right? So, because I had women locked down every night I just stopped caring about any one girl. So, every girl I interacted with I didn’t care about the result. I was just having fun. If she was cool we had a great conversation. If she was a bitch, I teased and mocked her and moved on. If she was boring, I would try and get her in a conversation, didn’t work, I’d move on. Whatever. All I did was worry about what I brought to interactions and it was like my fucking world exploded. Even in Cancun. The first week in Cancun I only slept with one girl. By the last week, I was sleeping with two girls a day. And this is like in a month stretch. One month. Nothing changed about me. Like, you know, I didn’t start dressing better or washing or. I had the fundamentals down basically. Okay? I was a clean dude. I was decent looking. I was in shape. I was reasonably intelligent. I worked on all the things that we’re going to tell guys to work on in the six to ten episodes. And I had all that shit in line. The big thing I didn’t have was the mindset. Honest with myself, honest with women, and I stopped worrying about the results and just had fun. And then, it carried over. I came back to America and I seriously, I think, I ended up tripling or quintupling, something like three to five X more women and I was putting in way less work. It was way easier.

Geoff:
I had a somewhat transition in high school, even, of going from getting fixated on particular girls and getting crushes on them for no good reason other than they looked a certain that aesthetically appealed to me.

Tucker:
They hit some fantasy of yours.

Geoff:
And I, yeah, I would just lock in on them and completely ignore all the signs of interest from all the other girls around me to the point where like the girl I lost my virginity to in high school had to actually write out a note saying ‘I want to take you out this Friday. I am going to pick you up. We are going to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Let’s get high. I like giving blow jobs. Let’s do that.’ And I was like ‘I don’t know. I’m kind of into this other girl, Cindy.’ And then I thought about it and went ‘No, this actually sounds like a high probability of success offer.’ And then I was like ‘Okay.’ So I called her up. ‘Yeah, that sounds like a good movie to see.’ And then she literally did 99% of the work. Cause for some reason she was so into me.

Tucker:
Right.

Geoff:
And even at the end of the movie.

Tucker:
She had a fantasy about you the way you did these other girls.

Geoff:
Right. Even at the end of the movie, she’s like ‘Hey, want to go to this church parking lot near my house and get high?’ And even at that point.

Tucker:
You were wondering if you were going to sleep with her.

Geoff:
I wonder if she’s into me. Does she like me? I can’t tell. And no doubt from her point of view, I was the most socially retarded guy imaginable. Like, of course, she likes me. She bent over backwards in every possible way to set up a situation where, you know. And, so, that was my first blow job and it was fucking awesome and we had a great little relationship. But, you know, look around and pay attention to who’s into you and don’t prematurely fixate on one particular woman. And if you do that you’ll get that kind of psychology of abundance Tuck was talking about that he got in Cancun where there’s so many women out there. And if one isn’t into you the next one will be.

Tucker:
I think you make a really good point that a lot of guys fail to understand especially young guys, is they will focus on– We get a ton of email about this where guys like he’ll be like ‘Okay, I’m into this girl but she blocked me on Facebook and blah, blah, blah. How do I get her?’ And I’m like ‘What the fuck is wrong with you dude?’ Aside from that being stalking why are you focused on that girl? Why aren’t you focused on girls that like you? If you’re a dude and that’s an issue with you, you need to address the fact that you might have some underlying emotional issues. Which, look, I do, Dr. Miller does. Every dude, every person does. There’s no shame in sort of admitting that you have some emotional things you need to work on. That’s basically all of us, right? But if you’re, if you really fixate on specific girls especially if it’s for no reason, you know? And especially if that girl does not reciprocate at all, if she reciprocates it’s called a relationship, that’s great. If she doesn’t reciprocate, you need to move on. She doesn’t like you and if you’re focusing on her that’s your issue and not hers, right? That’s absolutely a huge lesson that I learned is to stop. That’s another reason why stop focusing on specific girls and start focusing on what my goals are, right? That’s another reason why we harp on mating markets so much. We talk about this in the high school and the college and the young professional episode. The amount of women who are around you and the situation they’re in is the biggest determining factor of your mating success, right? So, if you’re a guy who is in a situation that’s mostly guys and there’s very few women you will probably focus excessively on one or two of those women, right? If you’re in a situation where there’s more women than men you are not going to do that because you have way more options. That’s literally how I learned this is being in Cancun where there were more woman than men, not a whole lot but definitely much more and I had essentially an overabundance of women because in Cancun I was relatively high status because I was an authority, I worked there so I was an authority figure. So, you know, I had the little onsite staff badge you get when you work in Cancun. We used to joke it’s an ATM card for pussy and alcohol because none of the bars charge you anything because you work on the island and all the girls see you as safe and you’re a little bit older. You’re a little bit more experienced. It was kind of amazing, right? But that’s the larger point is that you can have your own ATM card but you have to put yourself in situations where that makes sense or where the advantage is in your favor, where either you’re high status or there’s lots of women or ideally both. And you have to think like that. Identify to yourself what is your goal? My goal is to get laid a lot. Okay. Find women who are looking for short-term relationships. If your goal is to gain a lot of sexual experience then find women who want to casually date. If your goal is to have a committed long-term relationship, great, find women who are looking for that also. Okay? But understand that any of those three things the main component is she is into you as well, alright? Obsessing over women who do not reciprocate, it doesn’t help anyone.

Geoff:
I think one way to think about this is that, you know, I started to fall in love with girls pretty early. Like 5th grade, I was having big crushes on girls.

Tucker:
We all do.

Geoff:
Like, of course, I never exchanged a single word with them but I would crush on them for like three or four months. When you’re in that state, that’s happening to you, you think you’ve got a crush or infatuation or you think you’re in love with somebody, bear in mind that’s basically your brain’s way of practicing romantic love, right? It doesn’t mean what you think it means. It means your hormones are surging through your brain and activating new genes and you’re basically tuning up your abilities to do romantic proof. But the object that you happen to focus on is not necessarily the best object.

Tucker:
It’s almost accidental.

Geoff:
Yeah.

Tucker:
So, you’re talking like imprinting, like Lorenz and the ducklings and shit?

Geoff:
Yeah. So, it’s like I took a girl, you know whatever, 11th grade prom principally because I thought the way she died a single streak in the front of her bangs in her hair was cute.

Tucker:
Right.

Geoff:
We had zero in common other than–

Tucker:
You just obsessed on one thing.

Geoff:
I somehow fixated on that one feature and it was a disastrous night. She wasn’t into me. She was like willing to come because she was one grade below me, whatever. And yet, I was spinning like this one feature of her into a whole reason rationalization why she was the right person to take to prom.

Tucker:
Well, let’s talk about like I think wasn’t it Konrad Lorenz who did the duck imprinting study? This is a pretty famous sort of thing in psychology. I think it was Konrad Lorenz. But basically like some ducklings were born and then, I think, almost accidentally or something either the mother died or he kept them away from the mother. The first thing the ducklings saw was him or his boots and they imprinted. So, the way ducklings work, the first thing they see they imprint on. And it’s, you know, in nature it’s their mother and so they imprint on the mom. They follow mom everywhere. They do everything the mom does, right? Well, they saw his boots. Him standing there but his boots specifically which, I guess, look enough like a duck to a chick or something. And, so, they imprinted on his boots. And they followed his boots everywhere and they became like. This study was done 40, 50 years ago or something or this finding. And Lorenz realized ‘Oh, holy shit.’ This is sort of the way developmental psychology works. And then I think it was the same dude although it might have been someone else. Another sort of cool sort of thing is like I think in the same set of studies. He showed how behavior’s passed down. Nonsensical behavior like one time one of the ducks was passing a mirror and saw itself and thought it was another duck and pecked at it, right? And then all of the babies pecked at the mirror because the mom did. And then they kept pecking at the mirror. And then he eventually took the mirror away and they kept pecking on the spot in the wall and then the mom died and the babies got older. They kept pecking on the same spot in the wall. The children did because the mom was. Then the next generation. So, now you have mothers and babies who have never seen the mirror, ever. It wasn’t there. So, you took two generations away. They kept doing it, right? So, the point of both of those studies is not really to make a massive scientific point because we’d get way too deep into developmental psychology. The point is you have sort of structures in your brain that are developing when you’re 14, 18, 22 to learn how to love, to learn how to connect, to learn how to emotionally attach. And a lot of times those get reassigned to things that are they shouldn’t be because they have to find something to attach to. So, you didn’t have a girlfriend so you attached to this girl’s whatever, lock in her hair or something like that, right? I didn’t have a girlfriend at 15. I thought, I think we told this story about the one girl, the cheerleader I was obsessed with and I joined debate because of her and then I ended up becoming really good at debate. Like I fixated on this girl and like had all these fantasies about her and thought about her all the time. Guess what guys? We all fucking do this. This is totally natural. Don’t feel ashamed about this. The problem comes when you don’t move out of that and you don’t start acting on right things in your own life, you know? Finding girls who are into you, interacting with them. If you can’t find them going to places where you think they’re going to be. Keep trying new things. Things like that. So, I think that’s actually the next thing we want to– So, we’ve told a lot of stories, given a lot of examples. I want to go over a couple things for young guys. The first thing that I want to tell you guys and I don’t want this to sound too hokey but I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a goofy, you know, hippy and start crying or something but I fundamentally believe that most of you guys can do this. In fact, all of you can because the reality here is that, look guys, guys that are worse than you figure this shit out, you know? Like Dr. Miller was, you know, he and I both, looking at us at 14 I don’t think you ever would have picked us to be who we’ve become. You never were like ‘Oh, yeah Tucker Max is, the 14 year old Tucker Max is going to become, you know, who he becomes.’ You know? I made who I am. You made who you are. And you guys can do the same thing, you know, within reason. Look if you’re short and in a wheelchair and you got MS it’s going to be tough to be like, you know, an NBA basketball player. Okay? Like we’re not trying to say anyone can be anything. That’s ridiculous. But you can be very, very good at the things you care about if you really fucking work at them and you really try and develop, right? And so I want to say like we believe in you but not in a stupid goofy sense but in a sense that, I mean, look it breaks down to the fact that. What do you always say about evolution? We’re all from a line of successful maters, right?

Geoff:
Yeah. You dad, your granddads, your great granddads, all the way back, they all succeeded. They learned, you know, they matured. The hard part about being human, particularly a human male is such a long gap between puberty and when your mate value and attractiveness peaks like literally 20 or even 30 years later. It’s such a long interval.

Tucker:
Right, so it feels awful. It feels like this you’re never going to get there, right? So, look, guys, when you’re young don’t get discouraged. Just keep working at it. Be happy for small victories, right? But understand that you’re going to get there. I started at 14 totally lost, a virgin doing nothing. It took me from that point like two or three years to lose my virginity and then it took me, you know, years to like get to hook up with girls, you know, without having to spend all this time and effort on them. And then it took years before, you know, like it takes a long, long, long time to get good at this stuff and that’s normal and natural and okay. Alright? Never, ever compare your young self to an adult accomplished male. Never. That’s ridiculous.

Geoff:
Let me give a couple examples of where you can wrong if you do that, right? So, senior prom, a friend of mine who decided she was in a lesbian phase was like ‘Hey, do you want to take me and my girlfriend to prom? That’ll be awesome.’ Okay, that sounds adventurous and cool. What could be cooler? Prom with two lesbians.

Tucker:
Right.

Geoff:
Took them out to the, you know, Cincinnati’s fanciest French restaurant. And I thought okay, the way to impress two urbane lesbians in Ohio apparently is actually talk to the waiter entirely in French. Like don’t just pronounce the names of the dishes properly.

Tucker:
Could the waiters speak French?

Geoff:
No, absolutely not.

Tucker:
You’re such a pompous jerk.

Geoff:
So, I went into this whole paragraph long like ordering in full grammatical French just like AP French, of course, I can do that – French club. And the waiter’s like ‘Monsieur, I’m so sorry your French is far superior to mine.’ And he was some 40 year old Ohio waiter and he couldn’t speak French to save his life.

Tucker:
Right.

Geoff:
But my mistake there is thinking acting older than you are somehow makes you sound mature or sophisticated. No, just own the age that you are. That’s okay. You’re still developing.

Tucker:
Right. Especially with young girls.

Geoff:
Second example. Girl was really into me, kind of athletic girl. And she goes ‘Hey, I love horror movies. Would you take me to a horror movie?’ ‘I love horror movies because I get frightened and I can cuddle with guys and hold onto them.’ Like that’s great. And I should have listened but I was like ‘No, horror movies are stupid.’

Tucker:
God, you argued with her. She’s setting you up.

Geoff:
So, I picked her up. No, not even me. In fact, I couldn’t drive yet. My dad drove.

Tucker:
Oh, wow!

Geoff:
We picked her up and I was like ‘We’re not going to see the horror movie. I’m going to take you to a historical costume drama. Tess of the d’Urbervilles, a three hour movie starring Nastassja Kinski who I had a crush on.

Tucker:
Goodness.

Geoff:
And my poor dad was like ‘I don’t want to see Tess so I’m going to go see fucking Raging Bull with Robert De Niro.’ So, he went off and saw that. And this poor girl had to sit through this drama on the moors and she couldn’t cuddle me because there was nothing scary about it.

Tucker:
Right.

Geoff:
And I thought this would be sophisticated and I would be improving her and showing what a great catch I was. And it was just like I didn’t even listen to her preference. Like ‘if you take me here I will hold onto your arm and cuddle with you.’ No, no, no, that’s not good enough. Horror movies are stupid. So, just be whatever age you are and you don’t need to act like James Bond if you’re 16 because you can’t pull it off.

Tucker:
So, this actually brings up a really good point. You and I have a pretty good sort of we know each other well so we go back and forth like making fun, like teasing each other for the shit we do. I want to make this clear too, guys. We’re all in this together. Like we’re all laughing together. We’re all in on the joke. If you’re listening to this podcast it means that you want to improve with women and our goal is to help you improve. Okay? For whatever your end goals with women are– relationships, long, short, medium it doesn’t matter. So, like teasing Geoff about this is funny, right? Teasing me about the funny shit, the ridiculous shit I do is funny. This stuff is fine. Laughing about because these are, at core these are very painful truths. And that’s kind of how you bring them up and you get past them is you laugh about them because they are ridiculous, too, you know? I want to bring that up too because I think a lot of guys. I know we’ve got a couple Q&As about shame coming up or they may already be posted when this comes up. A lot of guys feel ashamed that they don’t know this stuff. Don’t be ashamed. You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re not in some way invalid or deficient because you aren’t immediately awesome with women. Guys, I’m 38 and I’m fully recognized as one of the best guys with women of my generation and I’m still learning a lot actually. I mean, granted I’m learning how to have a relationship as opposed to how to get girls which are a little bit different things although, not fundamentally different. But nonetheless, we’re all always learning our lives. Okay? So, don’t look at Geoff and I as like some amazing finished product that you can never aspire to. We are both flawed. We both make mistakes. We’re both still learning. Just like every other guy out there you see. The only perfect people are superheroes. Gods and superheroes because neither one exists, alright? So, don’t expect yourselves to know all this stuff or be great at it. No, dude, mistakes are how you learn. It’s okay to make them. Just learn from them.

Geoff:
And, you know, even when you’re young and you’re making these mistakes it matters a lot how you react to them. So, with the two lesbians on the prom date, I was so ashamed about trying to order in French afterwards that the whole evening was kind of fucked up for me.

Tucker:
Yeah.

Geoff:
And I lost my confidence and like I stayed over with them and I had to listen to them making out for literally six hours.

Tucker:
Yeah, you told that story.

Geoff:
Completely excluded. And if I had just owned it and afterwards thought that was really funny I tried to order in French and, obviously, the waiter didn’t know French and what a doofus I am it would have completely changed the whole evening.

Tucker:
Exactly. Let’s talk about that specific situation. So, give guys an example. The best thing you could have done after doing that, right? And he’s like ‘Oh, I’m sorry.’ You could have said, if you were very socially intelligent you could have said to the waiter ‘Dude, I’m sorry, like I had no idea how pompous I was coming off.’

Geoff:
Yeah.

Tucker:
Like, you know, make a joke at your own expense, right?

Geoff:
Self-deprecating.

Tucker:
Self-deprecation and humility because what that does that shows a high amount – humility and self-deprecation show true confidence and true social intelligence. As long as you aren’t – if you’re constantly self-deprecating then it becomes sort of masochistic and it’s not confidence. But if you did something like that and you, even if you had been really smart and been like ‘I don’t understand. You don’t speak better French than a pompous 18 year old who’s President of the French Club. C’mon man.’ Like tease him like that. He would have laughed. You would have laughed. The girls would have laughed. Then you would have shown you could poke fun at yourself, you can recognize your sort of peculiar things, you know, you were trying to show off and it blew up in your face. That would have been amazing. Or even better, not even better but alternately if you were too afraid to do it, you couldn’t think quick enough to do it with the waiter there after he leaves you can turn to the girls and be like ‘Well, ladies, I thought for sure, you know, my French would not be wasted on, you know, on a 40 year old Cincinnati waiter but I guess it was,’ or something like that or whatever. Make fun of yourself and what that does is diffuses all the tension, shows your humility, shows your social intelligence, and it gives everyone else permission to laugh at you and tease you and it brings everyone in on the joke. Like what we were just talking about, you know? Everyone’s in on the joke. Sort of like why I think a lot of people like my books. You know what I found that’s so funny? I’ll meet people in person and the people who love the stuff they can be fat girls who are like – they’ll even say they’re the type of girl I’d make fun of. I’m like ‘Why would I make fun of you? You seem like a nice person.’ And like well, you make fun of fat girls. I’m like ‘No, no, no. We’re all, it’s only people who deserve it, at least in my, whatever, perspective.’ I could be wrong. But the people who like my stuff feel like they’re in on the joke with me. The people who don’t like my stuff feel like they’re the ones being made fun of, right? So, it’s them bringing their own thing to it. It’s exactly the same sort of thing.

Geoff:
And, you know, this little ordering in French story it could have also been a great funny story to tell other girls in the future. But instead, it became like one of many little bits of silent shame that just kind of accumulated that never got released into the daylight.

Tucker:
But I bet you tell the story, now?

Geoff:
Well, like now I’ve told it but.

Tucker:
Right.

Geoff:
Only rarely. So, you know, Tucker’s stories are all about various ways of fucking up and the moral of their success is even if you have a disastrous date, even if you’re rejected, find something funny about it so that, you know, A. you can talk about it later and it becomes material for future courtship and self-deprecation and humor and B. it puts a whole other spin on it. So, instead of losing self-respect because of it if you can actually laugh at yourself about it makes you feel like

Tucker:
It gives you higher status.

Geoff:
I respect myself more for being able to laugh at what a pretentious asshole I was.

Tucker:
And it diffuses all the emotional shame of it. If you say it and recognize it was ridiculous and laugh at it, it diffuses all those issues. Guys, like that’s the thing. Guys listen to this. If you view me as some guy who’s just always awesome and does everything right with women then you have not read my books because I am the one getting shit on at least half the time and I mean that literally. My most famous story is the time a girl shits all over my dick. That’s not cool or fun or high status. No one’s ever been like ‘Oh, that’s the guy who got his dick shit on. We’re so excited to meet.’ No. Like they laugh at that because it’s very funny but it’s like part of what makes that story so funny is the way I tell it but also that I have the guts to talk openly about something that most people would be so mortified about they would never ever reveal in any way, shape, or form. And not only do I talk openly about it I talk openly in a way where it’s like I laugh at myself in the process and I recognize the absurdities and the ridiculousness of the things I did. And then so you’re free to sort of laugh at it the same way with me. And then also think about your own stuff. Do you know how many people are like ‘Aww, man I’ve got so many stories just like you.’ And I’m like ‘I’m sure you do. We all have these stories.’ You know?

Geoff:
Also bear in mind women have their own sources of shame. And when you’re on dates with them they will do things that they feel massively embarrassed about and then your reaction to that can either make them feel self-conscious and shitty like they don’t want to be around you or it can be funny in a way that’s warm and accepting, right? So, I was on one date where like we were making out and it was heavy petting and like my fingers were inside her. And she had this ultra-strong cervical suction. So, she had this, just she queefed a lot.

Tucker:
Yeah.

Geoff:
Like there were sounds coming out of her vagina a lot. And instead of making a joke about it or kind of doing something to cut the tension, I kind of tensed up about it.

Tucker:
Oh, you got tense and she got more tense.

Geoff:
And like this is weird. Why is your vagina making sounds? I think there might be something medically wrong.

Tucker:
Oh God, Geoff! You ashamed this poor girl.

Geoff:
And I didn’t even… because I thought ‘Oh, only boys feel shame.’ Right, only boys feel shame about their body. I thought I was kind of cool like ‘Hey, are you on your period? Do we need to go to the drugstore to buy tampons?’ Whatever.

Tucker:
Oh God Geoff!

Geoff:
But –

Tucker:
This poor girl.

Geoff:
We didn’t even have a word for queefing at that point. So, if you learn how to be self-deprecating about awkward situations it doesn’t just help save your own self-esteem it also helps cut through that tension.

Tucker:
For other people.

Geoff:
For other people, especially the girls you’re with.

Tucker:
Exactly.

Geoff:
You wouldn’t believe how many stories happen. Like in Cosmo, they actually have a column.

Tucker:
Yeah.

Geoff:
Embarrassing shit that happened on dates by women about things they did that they thought were mortifying.

Tucker:
Yes.

Geoff:
With guys.

Tucker:
Yes.

Geoff:
And none of the guys react well on those dates.

Tucker:
Yes.

Geoff:
They don’t help the woman over that hump of awkwardness. So, yeah, sense of humor is so valuable for all those situations.

Tucker:
Yep, exactly. So, here’s, I think, here’s the last point of part one. So, we’ve kind of told you our stories and, I think, how we kind of learned the real sort of crystallizing episodes when they went forward. And I think the two big takeaways, the first one is that you should not be ashamed of yourself. You should feel okay with where you are. Now, wanting to improve is fine, right? Not too big but a couple takeaways. So, don’t be ashamed. Understand that we believe in you. We know you can do this. And even if we don’t fucking know you, man, like listen you are not a unique special snowflake. Neither am I. We’re just humans. We’re some humans who are coming along in a long procession of humans. There were millions before us and there will millions after us. Okay? We’re just another human. That’s all of us are. And, so, everything you’re going through we’ve been through, other guys have been through. There’s nothing unique about you and I don’t mean that to put you down. I mean that to be comforting. You can share in the human experience, okay? But the one thing about this, I want to make very clear, a lot of guys – this is in all aspects of self-improvement not just women – they want someone to either tell them exactly what to do or really do it for them, you know, or relieve their guilt for not doing it. That is not what we’re going to do. We will never – we’re going to do our best to break everything down to as sort of as exacting and granular as we can and give you as much actionable information as we can because I think that’s one of the problems with modern education is that so much is left up to the imagination and guys need, especially with this stuff, very clear explanations. And we’re always going to do our best to give you those. But understand that at some point, the rubber has got to meet the road for you. You have got to go out and use these techniques with yourself and with women. You’ve got to change your life. You’ve got to put in this work. No one is going to do this shit for you. Like, to put it in my favorite phrase, I can’t hold your dick for you when you piss. You’ve got to step up and you’ve got to fucking do this shit. We will make it our mission to give you the best information possible at all times and for everything you’re doing. We’ll do our best but at the end of the day not only do you have to do this stuff but sometimes you have to think for yourself a little bit, you know? Conversation is the perfect example. We’re going to have entire series of podcasts about how to have a conversation, right? But virtually none of it is going to be a script on what to say because what happens when you speak with scripts? You run out of shit to say. You don’t know how to talk on your own. You can’t actually do anything. You can just recite lines, alright? It doesn’t fucking work, guys. It might help you do a little bit – if you are totally lost doing nothing a few scripts might help you be a little bit more un-lost. It’s not getting you anywhere. Now, that being said look, if you need a few scripts to help you get started to learn how to get better that’s fine. We’re going to help you with all that stuff, of course. But at some point in this process, you’re going to have to learn to think for yourself and you’re going to have to learn to create action. Alright? We’ll give you every tool you need to do that but we cannot do it for you.

Geoff:
Yeah. Guys aren’t born knowing this stuff. Nobody knows anything when they’re at puberty. It’s all a matter of how fast you learn, how much feedback do you pay attention to. All the insights and factoids and stuff we’re giving you are basically ways to frame your experience so you can learn faster but, you know, a lot of it’s not immediate actionable. So, you have to go out, test, experiment, try things. If they work, repeat them. If they don’t work, do something different. That’s how you learn. And, you know, I made huge advances during like the last two years of high school, not because I was particularly clever, not because I was born with particular knowledge but just I tried a whole bunch of different things with different girls. And I was willing to experiment and I paid attention to the feedback.

Tucker:
You started actually paying attention.

Geoff:
I paid attention to the feedback. And also I didn’t just imitate what other guys were doing because they didn’t know what they were doing either. I paid attention to what they were doing that women responded positively to.

Tucker:
Yep. We will give you the tools, guys, but you have to do the work and you have to think a little bit, not much. We’re going to do almost all the thinking for you and then, by the way, if you’re like Geoff or me and you want to learn everything we’re going to give you all our sources. Tell you exactly where we learn stuff which we do for the most part but we’ll do even more especially with the book. Like the bibliography we’re going to have is so ridiculous, you’re going to be able to learn all this stuff on your own too, as well. Go as deep as you want. But the point is, guys, we’ve been there. We’ve been through this. Every single guy has. Okay? No matter how bad you have somebody’s had it that bad at least if not worst, probably. Alright? And you can get to where you want to go because some guy has done it. And if someone can do it, you can do it too. And we’re going to show you how. Alright guys, there’s actually another point that I want to make here about belief. I know we’ve talked, both of us have talked about how we believe in you and most of that’s based on biology because we don’t know all of you, obviously. But let’s talk about another aspect of belief and about what it feels like to sort of operate when no one believes in you. Because I know in sort of a lot of periods of my life I felt like no one believed in me, right? And I had to kind of find the courage to kind of, you know, move forward. But here’s what’s weird. So, if you look at my life you think ‘Okay, he got into University of Chicago, went to Duke Law School. He got hired at this big law firm, you know?’ Blah, blah, blah, blah, right? Tons of people have believed in him and you can absolutely look at my life and say that and you’d be right about that. But here’s what you’re missing. All of those people who believed in me, you know, with those sort of status symbols or those sort of like accreditation sort of beliefs, you know, they believed in the version of me that best suited their needs and their desires and their expectations. Like they basically believed I could be who they wanted me to be, right? I didn’t want to be who they wanted me to be. I wanted to be the guy I wanted to be. I wanted to be Tucker Max. And I mean like literally, guys, the guy I became, the guy that you know, the sort of famous guy with the books whatever didn’t start there. I started in a place very similar to where you are and I decided who I wanted to become and then I went and did that. I did the things I wanted to do. And that version of me they didn’t believe in, and that version of me, not only did I have to learn how to create because I didn’t get a lot of girls in high school. I didn’t get a lot of girls in college. I had to learn how to talk to girls, how to, you know, have sex, how to do all the things that we’re teaching you, I had to learn just like Dr. Miller had to learn, right? But I also had to learn how to believe in myself. And I had to learn how to find the courage to become the man I wanted to be. Okay? And I think a lot of you are going through that as well and that’s going to be, I think, a constant theme in the podcast and definitely in the book. We’re not just teaching you how to get girls. We’re teaching you how to become the man you want to become because a result of becoming the man you want to become is getting lots of girls, or the girls you want, whatever. You guys understand that? Alright, good.

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