What is the “numbers game”?
It’s the idea that the more girls you talk to, the more sex you will have. Usually it’s in the context of talking to random strangers on the street or at a bar.
“If you want to have sex with one girl, you must do X number of approaches, get Y numbers, go on Z dates, and so on, where Z is less than Y is less than X. A certain number of attempts equals one lay, and that number will always be greater than one, sometimes significantly so.”
Here’s why this is bad and ineffective advice…
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The 4 assumptions pickup guys make with this advice that are wrong:
1. There is no consequence to approaching as many women as possible. You have unlimited tries.
Why this is wrong: There are real personal and social consequences to doing this.
Dealing with a ton of rejection will make you feel like shit unless you’re a sociopath.
Your mate value will go down, especially if you live in a smaller city or town. Word will get around. Other women will be turned off and not want to fuck you.
2. The only goal is to have sex with her.
Why this is wrong: There are many mating goals. And any goal you want to have is valid whether it’s sleeping with 1,000 women or sleeping with 1 amazing woman.
3. Sex is a one time thing, transactional. There is no relationship.
Why this is wrong: Most sexual activity is not from one-night stands, but from repeat activity.
4. A great way to meet women is talking to random women.
Why this is wrong: While doing something is better than doing nothing, a stranger approaching a stranger is the worst possible way to meet a woman.
Talking to 100s of women can work if you find 1 who wants to have sex with you, but it is ineffective unless you are very extroverted and experienced.
If you have trouble talking to women, getting a date, or getting laid, this is the worst way to learn how.
Two strategies that are more effective
1. Optimize Your Mating Market
Figure out what your mating goal is, go to places where there are women who share that goal, and interact with them in that context.
If your goal is a one night stand, go to college bars and clubs.
If you want lots of short-term sex with different women, go to vacation spots or resort towns (Cancun), and other countries (Central & South America, Asia) where being a foreigner is very high status.
2. Change Your Goal When You Go Out
As we’ve said before, going out to have fun is more effective than just trying to get laid.
You won’t look like you’re on a scavenger hunt for sex. And by having fun, you connect with women, they feel safe, and they might have sex with you.