20th of March 2015

Bad Advice From The Internet: “The Best Way To Get Over A Breakup Is To Sleep With Other Women”

“The Best Way To Get Over A Breakup Is To Sleep With Other Women”

Or in other words, “The best way to get over one is to get under another.”

This is the idea that the right way to get over a bad breakup, when you feel like shit, is to sleep with other girls.

This Advice Is Only Half Wrong

What’s right about it? This advice is good for short-term relationships or breakups where there was no pain involved. You were either not in love or happy to leave so there’s not a lot of pain to deal with.

What’s wrong about it? For more exclusive or long-term relationships, where you actually loved your girlfriend, this is awful advice.

Sleeping around in response to a painful breakup pushes off emotions that you need to feel. Pain and feeling shitty is inevitable. It’s better to address those emotions when you feel them upfront. If you instead try to push them away or ignore them, they will come back in a worse way, usually unconsciously.

You can run but eventually they will catch you…


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What Is The Better Advice?

1. Sit down and feel your pain and those shitty emotions.

Cry, be sad, or watch bad rom coms, whatever. Deal with it any way you like, but you need to feel that pain.

2. Start forming new friendships, go do things you love in groups.

If there are activities that you like doing but your ex hated and you never did them with her, go do those things with other people. Go do all the cool things that you wanted to do but she didn’t

The best way to fill a void after a breakup is with friendships and people, not just sex. Sex can help but the pain of a breakup will still be there.

As humans, we heal in groups. That’s the reason why AA works so well. If you read the 12 steps, they are nonsense.

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