21st of May 2015

Bad Advice From The Internet: “Just believe in yourself and go talk to her.”

Why This Is Bad Advice

This toxic advice encourages delusional self-confidence, which doesn’t work for 90% of guys. It actually makes guys feel worse because they can’t just believe in themselves. The empirical evidence shows that is not how confidence works. If you focus on beliefs and not skills, eventually you will run into wall.


You can click here (right click, then click save as) to download the episode directly.

The Better Advice

Confidence comes from preparation, practice, and action (doing things). Start small with simple tasks and low stakes. We talked about this more in depth in our social anxiety episode. This is also how athletes build foundational skills and get better at their sport.

Belief then comes from demonstrated performance and confidence. You give yourself proof that you can do something.

The best thing you can do is realistically self-assess and work on things you need to improve so you can be in a better position to be more confident.

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